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Ho Ho Hum

by Comrade Hat

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1.
"Dear Father Christmas, I only ask one thing Father Christmas, Please erase My search history Neither of us wants any trouble But I can make your life a misery Light a fire under your sleigh To your dismay I'll unravel the secrets of your mystery What are the tax arrangements For your offshore operation? Where are the papers For your workers In your snow-capped factory? Did you send them up the chimney? Father Christmas, I trust you will oblige."
2.
I'm driving home For the Apocalypse - oh! You know it's something I could never miss, no, Not for the end of the world! I'm coming home For the Apocalypse, oh! To the word on everybody's lips, 'You'd best believe it's coming true, While there's still room pull up a pew!' I can't wait 'Til we're gathered round that fire Talking about the old days Wipe away a sulphur tear I can hardly see you through the haze It's getting hot Since that portal opened up, Watch you don't fall down that hole! They're boiling bones For primordial soup, Won't you stick around for a bowl?
3.
This town it runs on Christmas I guess it's good for business But I don't know These days I spend Trudging through the snow, Wondering what's so 'ho ho ho'? This town it runs like clockwork My duty I must not shirk But I can't see Past the end of my red nose And feel Free. Will it ever be So? I'm seeing red from when I get out of bed 'Til when lay down my head each fall of night. Chairman Claus is on the wall Watchful eye over us all! Targets must be met Or your pay you can forget! And the long road home Is yours alone Endless rows of things in red How does it fit into that sled? I don't want to know (I just want to go home) There was a time when all was fine Demand did not outstrip supply We were happy with our lot They were happy what they got And all this time I do it for you...
4.
I'm wintering in Hades No ifs, no buts, no maybes I've had it with the snow I should have done it long ago I'm going south for winter But don't you tell a sinner I'm loading up the sleigh I don't care if it's one way Holidays in Hades Hanging out with Hermes And the rulers of the Underworld I will get my kicks By the banks of the Styx Make my home among the dead Orpheus will bring his lyre We will gather round the pyre Stay up singing songs Pour libations 'til we're gone Holidays in Hades... I'll be living the dream I'll be sure to pack my suncream I hear it's hot as hell Bring it on, it sounds just swell
5.

about

'Santa is AWOL after dark murmurings about 'being better off dead', amidst rumors of blackmail letters and corruption. The elves are overworked, slaves to market forces which even Lapland cannot fight. The talk is grim, many fear this Christmas could be the last.'

credits

released December 15, 2017

All songs composed, performed and produced by Neil Burns. Featuring Siobhan Shiels: backing vocals on Holidays in Hades. Mix assistance and advice by Daryl Coyle. Many thanks to both.

Mastered by Antony Ryan at redredpaw mastering, Copenhagen.

"singular, surrealistic, oneiric sonic tapestry" The Thin Air

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Comrade Hat Londonderry, UK

Old Gods, Vol. 1 - Out Now

Comrade Hat is Neil Burns when he writes songs.

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